Artwork in context- Part of you...

Part of you on the way to me, 2024

Part of you on the way to me is a Mixed media piece combining acrylic paint, photo transfer and thread sewing.

For me, it express forward movement towards an unknown future but full of determination, there are lines with colors of hope, tension, also stagnation, sadness but over a warm background.

Here it comes my context:

I was starting to feel some improvement in my mood (drops of it, or even sparkles, nothing notable) and I was understanding that ,after 6 years, my identity had blended with the life I had with my former partner, so when the relationship ended I didn't know who I was.

I lost that life and with it that big part of me vanished, no warning, just radically gone. I couldn't just loose the person who meant everything to me, no, I had to loose myself too feeling all the emotional destruction that it brings.

This painting for me was a personal conversation to knowledge that loss of identity and accepting where it came from. Been aware of that empty space created on me: "If I am not Mons who lives in that house with that partner, their two cats, on their way of designing three different parts of their garden, etc, etc, If I am not her, Who am I?."

In that period of whole lose, my head question practically everything about my persona and personality, about life, my social environment, my decisions, my options, my mistakes... a machine gun of questions and possible answers that honestly, lasted years so far. It's a chaotic moment of emotional saturation, trying to re-write my identity to finish with that lost feeling that was uncomfortable and full of isolation.

Part of the grieving the relationship is saying goodbye to the way you felt in their presence and in that routine you built together, for the good or the bad, you have to let that go for good. Since the very beginning of the break up I have been aware of : "The immense pain I feel is in relation to the immense love I feel for this person" as I wrote in one of my paintings in "Learning to talk" my first solo exhibition in 2023, something like: Pain equals love in quantity.

There was a big part of him on me, because our relationship changed my life, he came to my life and fill it with options, optimism, authenticity, stability and safety.

I think the loss felt hugely devastating due to lack of social support. He was my partner, practically my social life in that new county we moved on after Covid19, the only family in Ireland. With him gone from my life, you can figure out what I had left.

What I had left is a check in call from the best brother one can have, and that kept me going, that was everything I felt I had left.

As a fighter, the piece shows my determination to work on myself and change my situation, to overcome what's needed in order to get better; "on the way to me" as a conversation with myself to remind me that I am working everyday on rebuilding this girl's identity.

Photo in the art studio of: Part of you on the way to me, made by Innerown 2025